I have done it again.
Lost my world.
Every collective, every commune like existence, every ‘gang’, every comfort zone- I have found, been a part of and built… there has come a point when I lost what linked me to that world. Not through the usual and familiar process of moving on and losing touch. I have walked out deliberately. I have never returned to that world, even if I have held on to some, often unlikely, strands of those worlds.
why? why me? where am I going wrong?
Have I been a misfit in each one of them? Have I been cautious, hesitant, unsure? Have I not given it enough? Perhaps. or it is my ego. Maybe. or am I expecting too much from those I care about. Most probably.
But what if I didn’t say what I said or do what I did? What if I didn’t walk out?
That’s where I find my answer.
The costs of staying on, I cant bear. They numb me.
I can bear the pain of loss. It kills me. It affirms I am alive.
2 comments:
it doesnt pain me. nothing does. maybe thats why i dont feel quite alive.
u have a gang, u call it 'join the loop' ;)
Break, re-make, and do it better than before . . .
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