Finding a home

“You cannot have both- freedom and a good apartment” informed the property dealer. It has been 9 months now but I still remember the look he gave me, because this was the look which was mirrored in the various faces I encountered as part of my search for a rented accommodation in the city I had just moved into. All those faces conveyed various versions of the same conclusions they were making in their minds about my ‘character’.

What I was looking for was a place which would be my home. The hallowed notion of home conveys I think a sense of independence and privacy- it’s the place to be yourself. But this was precisely what all these owners of property found objectionable in my context- how can a single woman be allowed to be herself? Most owners of properties consider that they are doing their tenants a favour by leasing out their apartments, the monetary benefit is not seen as an equal deal- surprising even in our market society. So they can lay down any number of terms.

My problem started with the fact that their terms didn’t not include a person like me. Many turned me out because they wanted “families”. They added that they were a decent set of people and couldn’t take risks. That apart, I got to hear lectures on Indian culture, it seems Indian culture is dependent on my returning home by 6pm everyday. Otherwise it under grave threat. Moreover Indian culture is threatened by having male friends over at my house. One couple debated in front of me whether a male colleague could come home for tea or not and what would be the appropriate time after which he should be turned out. Half an hour said the wife, the husband wasn’t sure why the colleague should come to his house at all. Other than colleagues one is not expected to have a social life anyway.

One man gave me a long lecture on how he doesn’t like noise, loud music, too much clatter etc. I was actually surprised when he agreed to finalise the deal me that evening. But within a few hours, he said they wanted families with children, how he was going to apply the noise/ clatter restriction I am at a loss to explain.

For those who found the idea of a single woman as an acceptable tenant of course had their own assumptions. I was to be like their daughter- they told me. I was touched but the sub-text was clearer- I was to be answerable to them just like to parents. The assumption was that a single working woman had very little things to do in life- work and then come back straight home!

On narrating such experiences to people, I also got friendly advice on how I should go and ask for an out of turn allotment of the campus accommodation. The outside world is harsh, I was told. This seemed to me to be another version of the same argument that my potential landlords cum torchbearers of morality were giving me. It sounded much like – the world is unsafe, don’t go out in the world. Instead of trying to make the world safe by going out and making it confront your presence

What I was looking for was a house where I would not be told when to enter and when to leave, who can visit me and who cant. Some very basic stuff I thought. Instead I encountered a whole set of people who not only demanded a virginity test as it were, but thought that it was a most ‘normal’ demand to make. My reactions shook them; they had only my dubious character to fall back as an explanation.

The threat of a single woman I realized was indeed immense. This was the figure
society was most anxious to keep away from its collective understanding of itself. The only way it could deal with the multitudes of single women who don’t seem to be disappearing is to suggest hostels or hostel-like situations.


Eventually and interestingly, the person ready to rent out a place turned out to be a very old, illiterate, religious woman (our prime example of patriarchy). While being obsessed with cleanliness, she has mostly tended to keep her reservations on my life to herself. This when, ‘young’ and ‘educated’ people refused the second they found I was not a ‘family’!