living the tale all over again

I have done it again.

Lost my world.

Every collective, every commune like existence, every ‘gang’, every comfort zone- I have found, been a part of and built… there has come a point when I lost what linked me to that world. Not through the usual and familiar process of moving on and losing touch. I have walked out deliberately. I have never returned to that world, even if I have held on to some, often unlikely, strands of those worlds.

why? why me? where am I going wrong?

Have I been a misfit in each one of them? Have I been cautious, hesitant, unsure? Have I not given it enough? Perhaps. or it is my ego. Maybe. or am I expecting too much from those I care about. Most probably.

But what if I didn’t say what I said or do what I did? What if I didn’t walk out?

That’s where I find my answer.

The costs of staying on, I cant bear. They numb me.

I can bear the pain of loss. It kills me. It affirms I am alive.